Safe Place

This is a blog of sorts. I dump things here and look back at them when I want to reflect. If anyone ever stumbles upon it, you're welcome to stay a while and chat, leave comments or whatever.

I love someone, but...

It's so strange, so surreal, to be able to freely bring him along on my adventures in life. There's no hiding, no secrets. Everyone can know, and no one minds it. It's such a relief. It's kind of fucked up that I couldn't feel that way before just because I was dating a girl, but I guess that's all in the past now. 

I am so happy with him. He takes care of me when I can't. And he's not afraid to open up to me when he's upset. Although I probably make it hard for him to keep things inside, um... 

Literally the only thing I'm worried about is that he's not Jewish.

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Lost at Sea

Stillness; a reflection in the dark calm

A ripple, a storm brewing beneath

Waves rise and crash, His hand lifts

Carried away, drowning, left adrift

A whisper, a gentle touch

She looks up, showing her face

Her colors reaching like fingertips

Resplendent in the ocean mists

Remorse; His wrath subsides

Soft sand envelops her feet

Grounded, still something amiss

His tight embrace, His frozen kiss

Just breathe

I can see it in your smile

The tired lines from too much trying

You've been faking for a while

You can't cry if you keep lying

When you can't take it anymore

Don't shy away, emotions flying

I sympathize as you empty your eyes

Your heart is finally breathing

Hm

Here in this town

I'm alone, full of doubts

My heart's in my throat 

It's choking me now

There's no one I trust

To be there for me

If there's no one

I want to drown in my sea

 

Loneliness is Just Another Way for Misery to Get into Your Head

Why do I feel so damned awful when I go too long without a good thorough conversation with a loved one?

I feel so lonely when I feel like no one really cares about what's inside me, or even care enough to share with me what they have inside them. 

Every day there's something different happening. There's endless things to talk about. But people don't seem to be as much of a friend as I wish. They don't show that they care enough. No one does anymore. I don't know. I help other people with things because I'm their friend and I genuinely care about them. I don't expect them to always be there for me in return, because that's basically impossible. But simple things... Like listening to what I have to say, or texting me and asking how I'm doing... I wish people could show that they appreciate me.

Just a little bit.

Not to return any "favors", because that's not what I was ever looking for. But to show that you care about me as much as I care about you. Because the love I have for you needs to be fulfilled, and I can't just love you but not see it requited. It's just so, so painful. I wish I could see that you care about me. Because I need you to. I have too much love and I care too much. And it hurts.

Come back to me, my love.

My eyes are open.

My hands are searching the dark,

Trying to find you.

I truly love you,

My heart aches with thoughts of you.

 It's longing for you.

I would give the world,

Give up everything I have,

Just to see you now.

I want to hold you,

Kiss you, and make love to you,

Breathe you in tonight.

You're out of this world;

You don't have to be perfect

To be my angel.

Keep getting stronger,

Don't let the tide drown you out.

I am always here.