I told someone
I hope I'm not mistaken.
But she's very supportive.
And she said she'll be there for me while I'm figuring myself out.
Thanks.
Something I Have Yet to Speak of
I've hidden the truth--
Of my identity
Mask after mask--
Avoiding the insincerity
Afraid of living--
Of making certain connections
These are my feelings--
That I fear won't be accepted
I've spent all this time--
Being dishonest
Choosing the lies--
Of which I am fondest
I would reveal it--
Though might it worsen the pain
I have ones that I'd trust, though--
I couldn't bear to lose them
...
I want to tell someone I know I can trust--
But I know that might sever our bond
Perhaps a slight chance of a deeper love--
Else what once was would be gone
This wouldn't be my worry, though--
If that's all it were that I feared
I need something more than my own belief--
Someone else who feels near
Confidence--
So that I'll never falter
And turn to dedication--
To a life I don't wish to lead
My soul may change its mind--
A life I try to alter
No reason to avoid a lie--
To which there was no need
My fears are overcoming me--
My heart aches in its cage
Confusion settles anywhere--
But here it chose to stay?
Where hides the confidence--
Built so on outside perspectives
It's when I need her most--
That she lingers on the edges
Read moreI'm Not Mediocre!
My own force of mediocrity has been pulling me down. I've been overwhelmed by the stress of being the top. That's why I've been going completely downhill in the last semester of school years since 8th grade. I could have been valadictorian when I graduated junior high, my principal had said so. I wish that he hadn't.
Everyone expected so much out of me.
I found it so much easier to just join the other half of my class and just be mediocre. I found it so easy to look for excuses, like blaming everything on the bad relationship I was in. (Although I guess that did have a lot to do with it, in all honesty.)
But I'm not going to be like that anymore.
I'm not going to let these unconcious feelings control me any longer.
I'm not going to be so weak.
Cheers for motivation!
I love my friends, I loathe PMS
I forgot to take my iron supplements for a few days. And I finally left the house today for the first itme in a week, and went to the supermarket with one of my best friends. I was really hyper, as I couldn't control myself. My brain was all fuzzy. I wasn't used to all those people, and the lack of iron in me wasn't helping. Mostly, though, I was excited to see a friend after all that time of being so alone.
I also hadn't been eating much the past few days. Not excercising due to my period cramps caused my hunger levels to decrease, and I actually underwent an entire day yesterday after just eating a pear, without feeling hungry at all. It's crazy how fast my stomach shrinks after I drop an egg. I mean, my uterus is busy strangling itself, so I guess it can't focus any longer on eating up my sanity and throwing craving after craving at me.
That was kind of gross. Sorry.
