Pride Month Rumination

I’m pansexual. I’m genderfluid. I don’t know why that would make me really all that different from straight people, trans people, religious or any other kind of people. Cause the way I see it we’re all just people. 

I love your dress, and I love that bow tie. That color coordination, damn! Everyone is so unique, not just from how they are born but in how they present themselves. But still, every one of us has at least one thing in common with everyone else. We need to stick together to get the best chance of survival. We’re meant to support each other, and only discourage unhealthy behaviors, never the healthy ones. 

I’ve always been a live and let live soul. Just because there’s a squirrel population boom causing the birds to flee my yard, doesn’t mean I should drag them away from their home or kill them. I would much rather enjoy the company of the critters than dread it. And that extends to my fellow humans. 

I only dread the company of those that I cannot bear to be around for my own mental health, due to their unpredictably toxic presence. Even those few people have my sympathy at the least, because I know they harbor fear and pain in their hearts. 

I am trying to learn how to become truly proud of who I am. I always thought I had to come up with the perfect explanation of what’s going on in my head, so that I could explain it logically to my father when I came out one day. I know now that convincing him of anything isn’t possible, and I don’t need his pride when I already have so much. 

There’s no way I can really convey my “identity” to anyone besides me. So instead, I have to remember to laugh in the face of adversity, and not let such absurdity affect my mood in the slightest. Why should I be angry at someone who has no idea what he’s even talking about? It’s not worth it to engage with toxic people, they just feed on the attention like squirrels do bird feed.

I’m really coming around to noticeable healing after 1 1/2 years of zero contact and more years of LC, but if I ever want to see my other family again in person I’m gonna have to see my dad too. Hopefully I’ll be ready and I’ll be strong enough not to let him get to me now. I am proud to have turned out opposite to how he wanted me to. I am proud to be his disappointment. I am proud to have made the self decision to avoid him and his behavior, and instead enjoy the small equality this world has.